Our perception of ourselves, the people around us, and events is conditioned by past experience. Psychologist Jeffrey Nevid talks about how to find the causes of problems in the past and learn how to replace toxic thoughts with more positive ones.
Consciousness is more dependent on external factors than internal ones. We look at what is happening around us, and hardly notice what thoughts arise at the same time. This is how nature created us: we are attentive to what we see, but almost completely ignore our internal processes. At the same time, thoughts and emotions are sometimes no less dangerous than external threats.
Self-consciousness or awareness of oneself as a thinking person was born not so long ago. If we imagine the history of evolution in the form of a clock, then this happened at 11:59. Modern civilization gives us the means to realize how many thoughts, pictures and memories intellectual experience consists of.
Thoughts are illusory, but they can be «caught». To do this, you need to learn to focus on the inner world. This is not easy, because all attention is usually directed to the outside world.
Thoughts about failures and losses, disappointment and fear have no statute of limitations, they are not tied to specific events
First you need to pay attention to yourself and learn to reflect. We can draw from the depths of consciousness thoughts that «rush» in a continuous stream, without stopping.
At first, it seems that these are just thoughts about household trifles: what to cook for dinner, which room to clean up, and what work tasks to solve. Deeper, in the subconscious, are other recurring thoughts that form the conscious experience. They arise in consciousness only when life requires it. These are thoughts of failure and loss, disappointment and fear. They have no statute of limitations and expiration date, they are not tied to a specific event. They are extracted from the bowels of the past, like clay from the bottom of the ocean.
When did we start to think something was wrong with us: in high school, at university? Hate yourself, be afraid of people and wait for a dirty trick? When did these negative voices start to sound in your head?
You can find thought triggers by recreating in your imagination the moment associated with a negative experience.
There are two ways to «catch» these annoying thoughts.
The first is to reconstruct the «crime scene». Think of a time when you felt sad, angry, or anxious. What happened that day that caused these feelings? How was that day different from others, what did you think about? What were you muttering under your breath?
Another way to find thought triggers is to recreate in your mind a specific moment or experience associated with a negative experience. Try to remember this experience in as much detail as possible, as if it were happening right now.
What can be discovered during such «excursions» in one’s own mind? Perhaps you will find there the origins of offensive thoughts, because of which you consider yourself a person who will never achieve anything. Or maybe you will understand that the significance of some negative circumstances and disappointing events is greatly exaggerated.
Some thoughts get lost in the flow of time, and we cannot understand where the negative experience comes from. Do not despair. Thoughts and situations are repeated. The next time you experience a similar emotion, stop, «catch» the thought, and reflect on it.
Voice of the past
Is it worth it to become hostages of voices from the past that carry doubts, call us losers and scold us for any mistake? They live deep in the subconscious and “pop up” only when something unpleasant happens: we get a bad grade at school, we fail at work, or a partner starts to linger in the office in the evenings.
So the past becomes the present, and the present determines the future. Part of the therapist’s job is to recognize these inner voices. Especially harmful are thoughts that carry contempt for oneself. They need to be replaced by more reasonable and positive attitudes.
Psychotherapists are guided by the principle that without knowing our history, we repeat mistakes again and again. Since the time of Freud, psychologists and psychotherapists have believed that introspection is necessary for positive long-term change.
First, how can we be completely sure that our interpretations are correct? And second, if change can only be made in the present, how can knowledge of the past affect the changes that are taking place now?
We should pay attention to how thoughts and feelings affect our lives here and now.
Of course, the past is the foundation of the present. We often repeat our mistakes. However, this understanding of the past does not mean that change depends only on «digging up» past events and traumas. It’s like a ship on which you have to go on a journey. Before embarking on a voyage, it would be a good idea to dry dock the ship, have it checked out and repaired if necessary.
Another possible metaphor is finding the right road and choosing the right course. You don’t need to repair your entire past. You can change thoughts spontaneously, in the process of activity, replacing distorted ones with more rational ones.
We have already said how important it is to identify the thoughts, images and memories that determine our emotional state. Since it is impossible to change the past, we should pay attention to how thoughts and feelings affect our life here and now. By learning to «read» your conscious and subconscious, you can correct the deformed thoughts and disturbing feelings that lead to personality disorders. What disturbing thought can you “catch” and change to a more positive one today?