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Colleague. Friend. Relative. Neighbor on the landing. It doesn’t matter who this person is, it’s important how he behaves: no matter what you talk about, he will immediately have his own story – “even more interesting.” Whatever you do, he does it even better. Whatever he achieved, he achieved more.

Have you finally got a job? Your new position is nothing compared to the offers that he receives daily from a variety of employers who are ready to tear him off with their hands. Have you changed your car? Well, he clearly doesn’t match his new car. Going on holiday to Amalfi? He was there with his family five years ago. Alas, since then this place has become a super-tourist and “pop”. But if you want, he will send you a list of his recommendations. He sends it to everyone – and everyone is literally delighted.

“Such people seem to be constantly afraid that you will outshine them with your success,” explains psychologist and author of “Depression Perfectly Disguised” Margaret Rutherford, “and they do everything to overtake you and also somehow stand out. At the same time, they often do not realize how they irritate others with such behavior.

Rutherford’s clients constantly complain to her about such braggarts, and she herself often encounters them. “I love long walks, and one of my relatives constantly says that he walks as much as me, if not more, although the whole family knows very well that he does not get out of the car at all.” There are different reasons for this desire to be the first in everything. “Sometimes it’s a competitive streak, sometimes a low self-esteem behind a bravado mask, sometimes an inability to socialize properly,” explains Rutgerford.

Whatever the motives for the behavior of such people, it is not easier for us, who find ourselves in their society. However, it happens that we behave in a similar way. Understanding this is elementary: if we interrupt another in mid-sentence or use a story we just heard as an excuse to tell something of our own, much more interesting, then, as a rule, we notice that an awkward pause hangs, and those around us barely noticeably roll their eyes. Most of us then have enough tact to return to the story of the interlocutor.

But those who strive to surpass others in everything behave differently. They simply do not know how to read such hints, Amanda Daverich, an expert on family and marriage issues, is sure: “Most of these people simply do not realize what they are doing. They sincerely enjoy their own story, believe that this story makes them closer to the interlocutors, and naively believe that others like them.

These conclusions are confirmed by the results of scientific research. So, in 2015, psychologists found that boasters overestimate How long the audience admires them, and underestimate How long they annoy everyone. Moreover, they misunderstand the effect their story will have on those around them. “If I tell my colleagues how I quit my job and traveled for a whole year, they will understand how romantic and exciting it is. Maybe I’ll even inspire them to do the same,” thinks the braggart. “Well, well, for sure his parents paid for all this,” most likely, colleagues grunt to themselves.

“Of course, there may be a competitive motive behind this behavior,” Davrich admits. – But the majority understands that this is completely “unsportsmanlike”, impolite and in the end simply repels the interlocutor. And certainly does not help to climb to the top of the social hierarchy.

So how do you deal with such people?

1. Prepare yourself in advance for communication with a braggart

There are things that you just have to accept as inevitable. For example, the need to remove the dental nerve – or communication with a person who always and in everything strives to surpass you. If you have to deal with him regularly, take this trait of him for granted. Or even try to kindly laugh at her: “I wonder how many times in the evening he won’t let me finish? Last time he broke in with his stories three times.”

“If you expect characteristic behavior from a bouncer, it will be easier to accept him,” Rutherford comments. – If you are going to talk about a long-awaited promotion during a meeting with friends, be prepared for the fact that the bouncer will have his own case from life on this topic. He just needs to put in his two cents, and it doesn’t matter if what he says is true or not. What we are waiting for does not hurt us so much.

2. Try to sympathize with him, because he does not know what he is doing

Now you know that this poor fellow simply cannot read social signals and the state of others, which means that one can only feel sorry for him. Maybe this time you will.

“Not getting annoyed with such people can be difficult, but at least try,” advises psychotherapist Jessica Baum. “Be patient and remind yourself that maybe the other person just has low self-esteem, or maybe he feels out of his element, so he behaves strangely.”

3. Be proud of your own achievements

Self-respect can make you virtually invulnerable to such people, Deveritch says. And don’t try to compete with them, it’s a waste of time. In addition, they will never, for what reason, admit that you have achieved more. Goals, plans, dreams are individual, so is it worth comparing?

4. Try to talk about how you feel

In most cases, patience and empathy will help you to accept the situation, but coexisting side by side with a braggart can be really hard. “If a relationship with such a person is important to you, try talking to him. For example, say that it is important for you that he listens to you more carefully: this will help you feel that he cares about you.

Speak only about your need to be heard, without stooping to accusations like “you never let me finish.” Tell the bouncer what a great conversationalist this will make him, and then next time he will be able to brag to other friends: “They told me here that I can listen like no one else! ..”