“Anh ấy đã nói điều đó trước khi 'mẹ'! “
“I have it in mind, it goes back to last week! I had been waiting for it for a month or two. Until then, he was doing little vocalizations, but there, it is sure that it is “papapapa”, and that is addressed to me! I didn’t think I would feel any emotion, but it’s true that I found it quite touching when he pulled on my pants and said “papapapa”. Well no, he didn’t say mom first! It’s silly, but it makes me laugh: there is a little competition between my partner and me, and I’m happy to have won! It must be said that I take care of my son a lot. ”
Bruno, Aurélien’s dad, 16 months old.
“It’s very moving. “
“His first ‘daddy’, I remember it very well. We were playing with his Duplos. Jean was only 9 or 10 months old: he said “Papa”. I was overwhelmed to hear him speak so soon and that his first word was for me. My wife has a very busy job, so I spend a lot of time with my children. I immediately called her to share the news with her. We were happy and a little surprised at its precocity. Later, his sister did the same. And it seems (I don’t remember!) That I too spoke very early on. We must believe that it is in the family! ”
Yannick, two children aged 6 and 3.
“We change the relationship. “
I vividly remember the first time the two of them said daddy. For me, it really marks a before and after. Before, with the baby, we are in a more fusional relationship: we carry him in the arms, in the event of crying, we make hugs, kisses. Little by little, I watch for the first “tatata, papama”, but when the first “papa” comes out, it is very strong. There is intention, there is a look that goes with that word. Each time, it’s new. For me, there is no longer a “baby”, there is a child, a future adult in the making, with whom I am going to enter into another, more intellectual relationship. ”
JULES, father of Sarah, 7, and Nathan, 2.
The expert’s opinion:
“It is an extremely important and even founding moment in the relationship between a man and his child. Of course, a man can feel like a father from the moment he plans to have a child, but this moment when the man is designated by the child “daddy” is a moment of recognition. In this word, we mean “birth”, because it is the beginning of a new bond, “knowledge”, because the child and the father will learn to know each other through the word, and “recognition”, because the child states the familiarity of a meeting: you are my father, I recognize you and I designate you as such. With this word, the child establishes the place of the father. A new relationship can be born, as one of the two fathers said. In these testimonials, men speak of their emotion upon hearing these words. It is important. Until then, the area of emotion had been reserved for mothers, whereas it is a socially constructed distribution. When talking about their emotions, men no longer protect themselves from them. So much the better, because thanks to them, they no longer put themselves at a distance from the child. ”
Daniel Coum, Clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, author of “Paternité”, ed. of the EHESP.