A mother who yells at a baby with good obscenities is not such a rare phenomenon. And universally condemned. And we tried to look at the situation when mom breaks down to scream from a different angle.
First action. Hypermarket parking. It is getting dark, and there are more and more cars.
Characters: me and my companion – a young man of five years old. We walk hand in hand to the car. At some point, a man with a sharp movement twists his palm out of mine. How did you manage? Still do not understand! And rushes towards the roadway.
Trick! He decided to show the trick, Karl!
I barely have time to grab his hood. In time: a passenger car just slips by, which cannot quickly brake on slippery ice. For three seconds I gasp for air: from the words that I could say, no censorship. What I do next is, perhaps, a reflex. With a swing I apply to the child’s heel. It doesn’t hurt, no. Winter jumpsuit saves you from discomfort. But it is insulting and, I dare to hope, intelligible.
The young man sobs loudly. A passing mom with a toddler in a stroller looks at me with horror. Yes. Ya hit. His own. Child.
Second action. The same characters on a walk.
– Tim, don’t eat the snow!
The child pulls the mitten away from his mouth. But then he pulls her there again.
– Tim!
Pulls it back again.
– Mom, go ahead, I’ll catch up with you.
I take a few steps and look around. And I see him trying to stuff a whole handful of snow into his mouth. A small note: we have just cured a sore throat. Our eyes meet. Mkhatovskaya pause.
– Timofey!
No, not even like that.
– TIMOTHY !!!
My scream tears my eardrums. The child wanders home dejectedly. His whole appearance expresses active repentance. I feel uneasy for a few minutes. Exactly until the moment when he tries to hold the elevator door with his hands. I shout again. The mood, to be honest, is spoiled.
Complaining to a friend. In response, she sends me a link to an article on one of the “mothers” forums. There are many such self-flagellating texts on the Internet, and they are very popular. Something from the series “I am a disgusting mother, I yelled at the child, he was so scared, I am so ashamed, I will never again, honestly, honestly, honestly.”
I believe that such texts were written in the minutes of the active phase of repentance. You can sprinkle ashes on your head a million times, wring your hands, hit yourself in the chest with a heel – you still miss and hit your forehead. Assure that never again, you can, as much as you like. Sorry, but either you are disingenuous or you are a robot. I believe that everything will repeat itself in one way or another. Because you are not ideal, because your child is a little Skoda. And nobody canceled fatigue and frayed nerves.
Very often I am given such an argument in disputes. Like, why not then go and yell at the boss, since there are no other arguments. Do not punch your husband when arguments run out.
Seriously? Are you as responsible for adult sexually mature people as for your own blood?
At the age of five or six, children still have little understanding of what death or danger is. You can tell them a million times that the car can run over. That the outlet could shock you. That if you fall out of the window, then you will no longer be. And you can say it endlessly, until the language is erased.
But # is a foal. He is not aware of the gravity of the situation. The concept of “never” in relation to oneself is completely absent. “When I die, I’ll see how you cry.”
But there is fear of punishment. And let him better now be afraid of his mother’s slap than stick his fingers in the socket or trustingly follow the stranger on the street.
“He can be seriously punished,” a friend says to me after hearing the story about the car.
Can. But then, when the danger itself is eliminated. And when you are in a situation, a cry is a stopper. I heard – stop: what you are doing now is dangerous!
Yes, I understand that hitting is not the norm. A slap on the hands or on the buttocks is also not the norm. And screaming is not the norm. But there are situations when this is a necessity. May juvenile justice forgive me.
Trong trường hợp này,
– I will not hit the child with something heavier than the palm of my hand. Cords from electrical appliances, wet towels in my understanding are already elements of sadism.
– I will not say: “You are bad!” My son knows that I am not angry with him personally, but with his actions. A child cannot be bad; it can be bad what he does.
– I give him time to think and understand the situation. He himself must understand what caused the conflict. And then we will discuss it.
– I will apologize to the child if my breakdown is the result of my bad mood. Therefore, sometimes it is worth taking a three-second pause to understand why you are angry with scattered toys today, if yesterday you did not even react to it.
– Once I told him: remember, no matter how I scream, no matter how I swear, I love you very much. Yes, I get upset about a lot. And this is how I react. And I scream because I am offended that you are so smart and do this.
I think he heard me.