10 lời khuyên cho những người không thể chịu đựng được cô đơn

Introverts and extroverts, men and women, rich and poor, educated and less-educated, most of us feel lonely from time to time. And “majority” isn’t just a word: according to a recent survey in the US, 61% of adults can be considered single. They all feel disconnected from others, and it does not matter at all whether there is actually someone next to them or not.

You can feel lonely at school and at work, with friends or a partner. It doesn’t matter how many people we have in our lives, what matters is the depth of emotional connection with them, explains psychologist David Narang. “We may be in the company of family members or friends, but if none of them understand what we are thinking about and what we are currently experiencing, most likely we will be very lonely.”

However, it is perfectly normal to experience loneliness from time to time. Worse, more and more people feel this way all the time.

In 2017, former U.S. Chief Medical Officer Vivek Murphy called loneliness a “growing epidemic,” one of the reasons for which is that modern technology and social networks partially replace our live interaction with others. A link can be traced between this condition and a growing risk of depression, anxiety, cardiovascular disease, dementia, and a reduced life expectancy.

Anyone can experience loneliness, including mental health professionals. “Loneliness and shame make me feel flawed, unwanted, loved by no one,” says psychotherapist and coach Megan Bruno. “It seems that in this state it is better not to catch the eye of anyone, because if people see me like this, they may turn away from me forever.”

How to support yourself on days when you are especially lonely? That’s what psychologists advise.

1. Don’t judge yourself for this feeling.

Loneliness itself is unpleasant, but if we begin to scold ourselves for our condition, it only gets worse. “When we criticize ourselves, guilt takes root deep within us,” explains Megan Bruno. “We begin to believe that something is wrong with us, that no one loves us.”

Instead, learn self-compassion. Tell yourself that almost everyone experiences this feeling from time to time and that it is normal to dream of intimacy in our divided world.

2. Remind yourself that you won’t be alone forever.

“This feeling is not at all a sign that something is wrong with you, and most importantly, it will definitely pass. Right now in the world, millions of people feel about the same as you,” reminds Bruno.

3. Take a step towards people

Call a family member, take a friend out for a cup of coffee, or just post what you’re feeling on social media. “The feeling of shame will tell you that no one loves you and no one needs you. Don’t listen to this voice. Remind yourself that it is worth taking a step outside the threshold of the house, as you will surely feel a little better. ”

4. Get out into nature

“A walk in the park will be enough to make you feel at least a little relief,” says Jeremy Nobel, founder of a project designed to help fight loneliness through art. Communication with animals can also be healing, he says.

5. Use your smartphone less

It’s time to replace browsing the social media feed with live communication. “Watching other people’s “glossy” and “impeccable” lives, we feel more and more miserable, recalls David Narang. “But addiction to Instagram and Facebook can be turned to your advantage if you invite one of your friends for a cup of tea.”

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“Read a poem, knit a scarf, express whatever you feel on canvas,” suggests Nobel. “These are all ways to turn your pain into something beautiful.”

7. Think about who loves you

Think of someone who truly loves you and cares about you. Ask yourself: How do I know that he/she loves me? How does he/she express his/her love? When he (a) was (a) there, when I needed it? “The fact that another person loves you so much says a lot not only about him or her, but also about you – you really deserve love and support,” Narang is sure.

8. Look for opportunities to get a little closer to strangers.

Smiling at someone sitting across from you on the subway, or holding the door open in a grocery store, can bring you a little closer to those around you. “When you let someone in line, try to imagine how that person feels,” Narang suggests. “We all need small acts of kindness, so take the first step.”

9. Đăng ký lớp học nhóm

Plant the seeds of future connections by joining a group that meets on a regular basis. Choose what interests you: a volunteer organization, a professional association, a book club. “By sharing your impressions with other participants of the event, you will give them a chance to get to know you better and open up themselves,” Narang is sure.

10. Decipher the message that loneliness conveys to you.

Instead of running headlong from this feeling, try to face it face to face. “Note everything that you feel at the same time: discomfort, thoughts, emotions, tension in the body,” advises Narang. – Most likely, in a few minutes, clarity will come in your head: you will understand what specific steps you should take. This plan, formulated in a calm state, will be much more effective than the disparate actions that we all perform in the power of emotions.

When it’s time to ask for help

As we have already said, loneliness is a fairly common condition, and just because you are experiencing it does not mean that there is something “wrong” with you. However, if this feeling does not leave you for too long and you realize that you are on the verge of depression, it’s time to seek help.

Instead of continuing to distance yourself from others, arrange a visit with a specialist – a psychologist or psychotherapist. It will help you connect with others and feel loved and needed again.